he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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