Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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