Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
