I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
