I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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