My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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