Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
