Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Sober January is a disaster.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
