I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
