I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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