If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
