she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
