I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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