im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
