Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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