Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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