she looked like the before picture.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
