so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
splinters make it hard to masturbate
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I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
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She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
They have beer where we have blood.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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