Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
