she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
