Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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