Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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