fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
