I'm lost and stupid without you.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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