Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
