That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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