if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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