As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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