just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize