Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
There's even glitter on my cock...
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