Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
