Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
