first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
