Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Welp...herpes.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
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he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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