community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Randomize
