At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
