How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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