He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
