The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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