to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
