hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
