i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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