Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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