she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
