Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
