My nipple is on Facebook.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Randomize
