omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
