your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
