WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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