Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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