I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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