i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
