The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
