bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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