I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
