You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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