Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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