I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
