last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
