last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Randomize
