it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
