So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
id be glad to
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Randomize
