U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
