I'd wear matching sweaters with you
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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