Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
