so explain again why im purple
no
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
