i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
