I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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