Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
