Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Randomize
