Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
