I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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